The Unglamorous Side of Creating Connection

I am regularly surprised by how unglamorous the actual pursuit of whole, truthful community is. This is after several years of knowing my need to be known, to know, to say, "I hear you, Sister," and mean it, to allow myself to lift up and be lifted up because we all function better that way.

Years. 

And still. Last night, dear friends came over for dinner after a full day of momming two busy, adventure-seeking kindergartners and one tag a long sister. Tim was working, but I had dinner with people I can just be with on deck, and I was going to be fine. 

5 o'clock rolled around, and the dessert I planned hadn't made itself. I was still in a graphic t-shirt that was possibly starting to stink. My hair was a mess. I looked the part of a tired mom. 

At one point during dinner, I could barely hear what my friend was trying to tell me from two feet away. Four kids, having finished dinner and unable to contain themselves, ran around, making all the noise that happy kids make inside an echo-y living room. Another child, not so mobile, talked happily, adding her input occasionally (she was my buoy.)

My husband stood in the kitchen, talking for over an hour with Kindergartner #2's caregiver until he had to head home to start the bedtime process.

So much noise. 

So much for holding out for dinner for that breath of fresh air. 

And yet. 

For a long time, I've imagined my home to be a place where my kids' friends can congregate. Where they know they are loved and cared for and can breathe a little deeper. 

I've imagined the space around my husband and I to be about the same. 

Those dreams are happening, one intentional choice at a time. 

It is loud and messy and draining. 

But I would 100% do it again. 

Sometimes making space for people to be themselves and find connections doesn't leave much time or thought for everything to look put-together, and I'm here to tell you that's really okay. You have permission to not get to it all.  I've had some of my best life-giving conversations in homes where dust-bunnies still hung out on the floors, when dinner wasn't made, or piles of dishes hung out on the counters. 

Holding space for people to honestly connect isn't going to feel perfect, because we are people, and we aren't perfect. If you don't thrive off of chaos, it's going to drain your emotional, physical, or mental energy- maybe all three. Plan for that. 

Today I'm going to rest, 

and then I'm going to plan to do it again because

I promise you, it's worthy work. 

Sometimes, when you hold that wriggly, heavy space for people, you'll find there's space for you, too. 

If you're curious how put together or how great of a listener I was last night, I will tell you- not very. 

My cherished friend, Amanda, actually laughed with delight when I poured out the build-up in my heart space to her. She gave me verbal permission to be the tired, water-treading, stinky mom with the messy hair that I was in that very moment. 

Her actions didn't leave me feeling less messy, but they did leave me feeling loved. Last night, Amanda held space for me to be the unglamorous, floundering person I was in those moments. She let me know I was appreciated for being Sarah, and not just for what I could bring to the table. 

That's what I want to do, too. 

My Best Tools for Holistic Health

I am a notorious food experimenter.
I love to try new foods, experience culture through what's on my plate, eat my way through a new city.
If I am told ahead of time, I don't mind a culinary challenge, whether it's a dietary restriction or a request.

I also like to experiment with differing styles of eating. I like guidelines that come with ascribing to a particular way of eating, because rules lead me to be more conscious of what I'm eating, which rolls into being conscious in other areas of my life. I often treat my body better, even enjoy my food more.

Awesome, right?

The problem for me is that I get married to those "guidelines." I make them my Superman, because truth be told, I crave structure and belonging, sometimes even when the pursuit becomes harmful to me.  Growing up is hard enough work; sometimes I crave a rule or twelve to help me feel a little more in control.

I will let you in on something- I rarely feel the freedom or fullness of life I'm after when I'm on some kind of eating plan that I don't need to be on.

I don't know what life holds for you, but I can tell you, mine has been a little...messy. So much good, hard, redemptive work, and also learning and being humbled. A lot that I'm proud to have been a part of it, and yes, I need and want the energy to do all of it, but I'm learning that my energy isn't even all related to food.

I've had more energy in the last week than I have in months because I finally took my husband up on his offer to go away alone for a night. That, plus sunshine. It wasn't the food I ate- I've had "cleaner" weeks. My spirit was nourished.

This year, I am grappling with the idea that I am not just a physical being. If I'm experiencing issues with something like gut health, sometimes it's not necessarily what I'm eating. Sometimes it's that I'm holding stress there, and my body is tense as a response.

I'm looking at the magic in a meal in which an item or more isn't entirely physical-health-promoting. For example, if you don't have an allergy to wheat, you might know that a loaf of freshly baked white bakery bread is heaven when broken among a crowded table. Is that loaf chock-full of super foods and nutrients? I'd say no. But do you feel good afterward, if you've been present with your meal and your company?
Do you see what I mean?

I am a physical, emotional, and spiritual being, and those aspects of myself can't actually be separated.

Heart problems and diabetes run in my family, but strictly adhering to any particular way of eating hasn't been healthy for me due to my unhealthy tendency to use food and rules as comfort, security, and validation. I still want to live in such a way that honors the health of my body, in addition to my spirit..so what do I do?

For me, it's more work to address my whole health without strict rules in place. I want rules, but I haven't found that those actually address my whole self. One phrase that continually comes to mind throughout my process has been, "everything is permitted, but not everything is beneficial." I can eat what I want and be free, but what does that look like?

A few tools that have been helpful to me (and I'll admit I've laid them aside once or twice while I look for something easier and more structured) have been two books- The Wellness Revelation and Intuitive Eating- and prayer. My healthiest move by far has been to pray about my food, bringing gratitude and mindfulness to my eating that way.

The result has been a true feeling of freedom, sometimes short lived when I start down other paths that seem easier and more rule-based, but I'm getting more and more glimpses into the wholly healthy life I'm after.

What We're Eating This Week: All The Details

Meal planning + follow through saves my family so much money every month.

Does anyone else out there love to hear about what other people eat? Friends, I spent months watching YouTube videos about budgeting, grocery hauls, and meal planning until things really started to click. Truth be told, grocery shopping is my favorite kind of shopping. Food is my love language, and there is so much good stuff out there to keep on hand. 

Eventually, I got it that I don't need it all, all the time. If I don't have something that sounds so good this week or month, I can plan for it another time. 

What I do need is a plan. And I need to use it. 

Now, what I typically do is check out my freezer, fridge, and pantry for what I already have available. I base my meal plan off of those items, and then fill in the rest with a trip to both Sprouts (amazing prices for produce that still tastes good!) and Costco (the price per unit tends to be great, but if you want to stick to a budget, you'll want to only buy what you need for the next few weeks, instead of everything that looks good. I learned this the hard way.)

I check the calendar for any events we have coming up + the weather. I don't currently have a slow cooker or a pressure cooker, so if we have anything going on or we're going to be outside for awhile after school, I need to plan for that. 

I also take the tastes of my family into account and try not to go too crazy doing it.  I generally say that if 3/4 of the family is pleased with the meal, it's a win. 

Are you curious about what my family of 4 is eating this week?

Here you go! 

Breakfast options

-The rest of the fam is having a love affair with Cinnamon Toast Crunch right now. It was super cheap at Costco this month, and many days they'll opt for a bowl. (I'm not a big cereal eater.)

-Shakeology for the mama (I snagged a good deal on a year at-home gym membership + this gold in a bag, and am thoroughly enjoying it. I also use it for lunch or a snack some days.)

-Kodiak pancakes (I like to make these on days Nolan's school starts later. It feels special, and it's super easy with plenty of protein to keep him going.)

-egg sandwiches on English muffins with a side of fruit

-Sometimes I cook up a bunch of veggies and serve with egg and avocado for myself if I have the time. 

Lunch options

-leftovers (I love leftovers! Anyone else?!)

-Nolan likes a pb and j every day. I make it with quality ingredients, so I know he's getting some nutrients.

-tuna. I scored some Wild Planet tuna on sale at Costco and will probably mix it with some spicy avocado hummus and some cauliflower rice or quinoa and wrap it up in nori. I know I'm weird. 

-veggie burger salads

Snacks

-apple chips (we keep a bunch of these on hand, and I keep them in the car for snack needs while we're out and about)

-hummus with tortilla chips and/or carrots

-celery with peanut butter and raisins (my daughter requested celery on our last shopping trip, but so far, it hasn't been eaten. Time to change that!)

Dinners

-Egg Roll in a Bowl, served with this ramen (we love it, and it's relatively healthy.)

-Lemon Garlic Chicken (Debt Kickin' Mom is one of my FAVORITE budget Instagram accounts. When I saw this recipe on her stories, I knew I had to make it!). I'll serve this with quinoa and roasted broccoli

-Black Bean and Quinoa Enchilada Bake

-Sausage Potato Spinach Soup (We want to try it with some some tortellini this time!)

-Apple Chicken Sausage Pasta

-Plant Based Meatloaf with roasted veggies and potatoes

-Packed dinner (sandwiches, apple chips, etc.) because we won't be home

We did a larger grocery shopping trip last week, so after planning our meals around what we already have on hand, all I have to pick up this week is cinnamon, 1 can each tomato sauce and tomato paste (I'm going to make my own enchilada sauce, but you can also just buy it.), 1 pound Italian sausage, a few white potatoes, 1 pound of pasta, and 8 ounces of mushrooms. I estimate my total cost will be around $17. 

There you have it! Do you meal plan? I'd love to hear what you're eating eating this week! 

Feeding People Doesn't Have to Bust Your Budget

We are more connected than ever, and yet so many of us are still stinking lonely.

Friends, I challenge you to invite someone over for dinner this weekend. Leave your phone in a drawer. Connect.

Most of the most meaningful connections I have experienced have happened over a meal, asking questions to really learn someone else's story, and sharing some of my own. I'm telling you, food is community glue, and listening is the cement.

Now, if you're like me, maybe you're thinking, but hosting a meal
requires energy
effort
money.

And you would be right...but it probably doesn't require as much as you might think.

Are you ready for my biggest tip on hosting?
Start with Simple. 

I grew up watching my grandma create elaborate tablescapes. Friends, her set-ups were fancy. I still enjoy sitting down to all that gorgeousness, but you know what? I also grew up watching my parents welcome whoever needed it to our table. They didn't do a fancy set-up when I was a kid, but our guests still enjoyed the experience because they were welcome.

That is the secret sauce: whatever you do, your guests know if they are welcome. You could have an immaculate house, elaborate meals, the whole thing planned to a T, but you don't need any of that stuff. I have done that route before. I have also done the "kids' toys are staying out because they are still playing, and we made soup, bread, and cookies with the leftover candy we found in our cupboards route."

If you have a gift for creating elaborate set ups and making your guests feel special that way, do it! There's value in sharing that kind of gift because it's a part of who you are. If it's not you, don't force it. Don't worry about it, and absolutely don't use it as a reason for not inviting someone over.

For me, the soup/bread/leftover candy cookies-type meals have been some of my favorites. Those type of set-ups leave me with enough emotional and physical energy to be and connect with the people in front of me, instead of hiding in the kitchen, doing dishes because I'm already spent.

What we need is to connect with one another, not a version of ourselves we think we should be. Do what brings you joy and leaves you with enough energy to be with your people.

Make that soup (I bet you have most of the ingredients for a good one in your kitchen right now!), make or buy some bread, and raid your kitchen to bake some homemade cookies. Done! Now, all that's to be done is to sit down and be together.

How to Make Your Own Fair Trade Oreos

Friends, these cookies will take you places. 

I've made them twice so far, and both times they get rave reviews. 

If you're wondering what to bring the next time you are invited for dinner or you're craving OREOS, this recipe will get you there. 

Let me preface the recipe by saying a few things:

This isn't a money saving recipe. Many of the recipes and posts on this blog will focus on eating healthy in a frugal way so we can make more room for what's good in this life. Y'all. These cookies are one of those things that's good. 

For starters, they are made from ingredients that come from practices that don't abuse children. (I know that sounds harsh, but it's the reality of why I'm so passionate about fair trade.) 

It's all real food- practically a health food, you could say (ha!). 

Consider them a gift when you make them; you can even allocate them as such in your budget. Truly, they're a gift to your hosts, to the people involved in creating the products that go into them, and to what you really want to be about in this world. 

The reason they are a bit pricey to make is that they use black cocoa, which is less common to find in a fair trade version. Don't skip this part- it is what gives the cookies that authentic "oreo" taste. 

I order black cocoa from Frontier Coop. It's the only place I've actually been able to find fair trade black cocoa. If you find it elsewhere, I'd love to hear! If you think it'll be worth the investment, you can pay an extra $10 to get 10% off every order and then a 5% rebate annually. This is a lifetime membership. 

Other ingredients you need and where I get the more specialized ingredients: 

butter or vegan alternative

powdered sugar- I prefer a fair trade version. I've seen it at King Sooper, Giant, and Whole Foods

baking soda

sea salt 

vanilla extract 

all purpose flour

sustainable palm shortening- I buy Nutiva brand. So far, I've spotted it at Giant and Whole Foods. 

A few helpful notes on these cookies:

-The icing recipe tends to cover about 2/3 of the cookie recipe for me. You can double it and just make a "double stuff" version or freeze 1/3 of the cookie dough for an easy treat in your future. 

-My sources tell me the cookie is spot on for the flavor of an original Oreo, but the icing tastes a little different (good, but different). You can mask some of this difference by adding a few drops of peppermint extract to the icing for peppermint Oreos (taste as you go- that stuff is strong!) or just make them as is- they still receive rave reviews. I'll be playing around with the icing recipe and will post when I get closer to the original. 

With all that said, you can find the recipe I used here. Please post any questions you have, and happy baking!